On my silent days, I hope you can hear me screaming for help.
Nearly every day, I grapple with a torrent of thoughts that weigh heavily on my mind. I ponder my aspirations, the direction I should take, and the life I truly want to lead. I wrestle with what deserves my attention and how I can survive each day without succumbing to the inner demons that haunt me.
I’ve come to a stark realization: despite having numerous so-called friends, very few, if any, reach out when I’m in desperate need of help. My phone remains silent, and they are nowhere to be found when I withdraw into isolation. It’s disheartening to reflect on their indifference, and I’ve accepted the painful truth that they never truly cared about me.
Ghosting everyone became my sole solution to escaping the suffocating weight of their presence. It allowed me to shift my focus inward, concentrating on my own survival and resilience.
“You never told us about your situation”
But I truly hope you could hear my desperate cries for help whenever I’m overwhelmed by my own thoughts and battling the monstrous shadows that reside in my mind.
“We never heard anything from you again”
In my darkest moments, when I felt as though I was drowning in despair, battling the suffocating weight of my suffering, I heard no one. I fought fiercely between the will to live and the grip of death, yet the silence was deafening.
Surviving each day can feel overwhelming. It’s a struggle to determine your next steps, to find the right path forward, and to face the challenge of getting through without succumbing to tears or being consumed by your thoughts. Yet, even in this uncertainty, there is a quiet strength that can emerge from within. Embrace the journey, for every new day holds the potential for hope and resilience.
By choosing to ghost certain individuals, I found a way to protect my peace and prioritize my well-being. This decision has allowed me the freedom to live without feeling overwhelmed or suffocated by others. While I regret the impact my actions may have had on those I distanced myself from, I stand by the choice that led me to a more fulfilling and tranquil life.
I also feel sorry for myself for expecting them to be with me while I fight the battle between living and dying.
